Shoulds ⚡ Showing Up 🏃♀️ Half Marathon 🏅✅
It's been 3 days since I finished my first 'real' half marathon and I can't write, think or talk about it without my nose tingling, eyes leaking and throat closing up. I'm different.
October 17, 2021 - My handsome full-marathoner hubby and me at the finish line.
April 30, 2021 - Not a great run, but I showed up.
October 17, 2021 - Proud of all the days I showed up.
Here's why:
I conquered a seemingly insurmountable mountain 🏔 of SHOULDS and can'ts. It's taken YEARS to hike. With countless "Jill's rolling down the hill!" moments.
Showing up is POWERFUL. ⚡ Showing up for YOURSELF will change you in ways you've only hoped for.
I learned consistency is a love language. 💚 We choose the kind of consistency - nurturing, loving, toxic, destructive, inactive - and we get to take responsibility for its product. This time I chose to be consistent in showing up (regardless of my mind's amount of hope, fear, commitment, dread or joy). Showing up has trumped years worth of bullshit mind sabotage. I still have a LOT of showing up to do. All I know is that it's working.
I experienced how I struggle to receive love and support. I was overwhelmed with well wishes, good luck texts, friendly faces on the route, cowbell serenades, colorful signs, high fives and congratulations. I love dishing these bits to others, but it's really hard for me to accept. Maybe because it makes my nose tingle and eyes leak? #workingonmyvulnerability #yayBrene
🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️ Keep going! It's worth the read! 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
My nose is still tingling. Eyes are still leaking. 😭 Snotting has started. 🤧
Why did I say "my first 'real' half marathon"? Welp, because the other two I did were "show up and see what happens" debacles. I only showed up on race day. Which wasn't showing up at all.
This time, it wasn't really about race day. It was about every day leading up to it for 6 months.
It was about CHOOSING instead of SHOULDING.
I chose and took responsibility for myself, instead of thinking the only reason I should exercise is to be skinny. I chose all the other reasons. You know, like sweating, enjoying nature, breathing fresh air and enjoying the feeling of accomplishment and improvement. (Mixed with stinky BO, sore shins and bad bras.)
I chose to lace up one of the three pair of running shoes I had to go through to find 'the ones' instead of using shin splints as an opportunity to quit. I chose to persevere.
I chose to do MY best, whatever that looked like. Who said you should run the whole thing? Or that walking isn't good enough? I chose to embrace the sucky days with hope better ones would come.
I chose to use the hammer in the perpetual game of whack-a-mole with the mental ass-moles (get it...mash up of assholes and moles? 🤣) telling me:
I should quit. Or I shouldn't even start, 'cuz I'll quit.
I'm not a runner.
I shouldn't run because I'm too fat.
I'm really bad at running.
It shouldn't be this hard. (Actually, yes it should. And it's for my own good!)
NEWSFLASH: The whack-a-mole battle will go on forever. What we don't realize is that we decide whether to bring a huge-ass sledgehammer or a shitty tack-hammer to the fight.
You SHOULD CHOOSE the sledgehammer. Whack some fucking moles and show up for yourself.
